Why I returned to Sri Lanka

I spent most of the last 11 years living outside of Sri Lanka, around 2 years in USA and 9 years in UK. This is basically all my wedded life and all of our children's lives. All trips abroad started off as a few months or a year or 2 years but then as new opportunities came about plans changed and our stay got prolonged year by year. There was never an intention to settle down outside of Sri Lanka but the longer you stay out and live in one place you get used to it more and more and start becoming comfortable and less likely to move again. However, although there were new opportunities and experiences to grab, the thought that we never wanted to settle outside Sri Lanka kept working on my mind and felt that we should at least try living in Sri Lanka again before the kids grow up. It's obviously not an easy decision after living outside for so long and hence took 3 years to actually finally make the decision and take the plunge. There were several factors that contributed to this decision - most of these factors were emotional and were driven by the heart but there are many other factors and challenges to consider and overcome (like the economic side of moving!) when actually going ahead with the move. 


Kids
Our kids hardly got exposure to their grand parents, relatives and most importantly their cultural roots. There is a huge difference in social values and interactions - in UK it was unlikely for them to make 'friends for life' from school, university and work. Interactions are often limited to school, except for the occasional play date, very different and less in frequency compared to how we used to interact with our friends when we were young. Once they go through their formal education and go to work, they are likely to have mostly colleagues and not friends, again very different to the life time bonds we build with work colleagues and frequent social events like trips and drinks and bajjaw parties! We realized that there is very less bonding between people in western cultures - a bit of a negative for brining up our kids outside of Sri Lanka. From an education perspective, the quality of the academic curriculum and methods of teaching are far better in England - they are better geared to help children understand concepts and acquire knowledge as opposed to learning just to pass exams, as it happens with the government curriculum in Sri Lanka. However for us, education, especially at the primary stages, meant not only academics. There is far more grounding and learning to be done in terms of culture, values, religion, social beliefs etc, all which are more difficult to teach children, the older they get. We felt that these are naturally engraved in children in Sri Lanka, through school and other social interactions, although to a lesser extent than the time we were in school, but to a better degree than western countries. May be from a purely academic perspective it would be better to be back in the UK when it is important for them to settle down to get a good quality education but for now we felt it was best if they got a good social and cultural grounding in Sri Lanka.

Parents
Our parents are slowly heading towards their golden years now. We want to spend more time with them and be closer to them while they can still enjoy life. Us being away meant that they will hardly know their grand children and not be able to experience the joys of having them around and spoil them. We felt that we need to be there for them now and not wait till they are old and disabled.

Substance in life
We always felt that life was more rich in substance in Sri Lanka. There is always a lot happening with relatives and friends around and seeing familiar situations evolving with time. There are jokes that our British friends would crack that we never understood and often situations that we would relate which they never understood. There is never a dull moment in Sri Lanka, always a party or wedding or funeral or some social gathering, although can be very tiring at times, they definitely add more substance to life.

Sense of belonging
After 9 years in UK, making so many friends, getting use to the culture and how things are done, we never really had a sense of belonging in countries outside of Sri Lanka. Occasionally there would be some situation in a shop or airport or playground where you would hear some remark (sometimes rather racial) where you really feel this is not where you belong.  

Career
Depending on what you do and the type of companies you want to work for, career progression can be rather limiting in western countries after one point. As with Sri Lanka, there is a some reliance on 'old boy networks' where relationships from universities or prior jobs really matter for more senior positions. While this can be overcome with time and a good performance track record, it is harder and would take longer. 

Friends

We made so many new friends in England over the years and established deeper bonds with friends who also moved to England around the same time. Our kids also made friends with our friends children. It would have been a hard decision to leave them and return back to SL after all these years if not for the technological advancements available today from social media to video calling which can help keep in touch easily, although it may not be the same.

As I said above, there are lots of other factors to consider like money, jobs, recreation, work life balance etc. But I was mainly following my heart so the other factors really become secondary and things to deal with and work out over time. I will share some further thoughts on those in a subsequent blog.